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When she was done, my head hurt but then she took out a comb and brush and combed the curls out, pulling my hair more."There," she said, swinging the chair around so that I could look in the mirror. "Your hair is very pretty. There's no reason a man can't get a perm, now is there? Although you're quickly becoming a woman, my little Missy." Sissy Missy," stated Amelia matter-of-factly. "Let's get her makeup on so she can be really pretty!" She was enjoying my submission at their hands.Once again the gag was removed from my mouth under threats of further punishment if I broke my silence. Amelia seemed to be the makeup expert, so she took over, lining my eyes in black and painting on mascara as if it were exterior latex housepaint. She then lined my lips and painted them a bright fuschia. My eyes were shadowed in pinks, and cheeks done in the same color. When they were done I looked like a blushing bride, albeit an unhappy one. I finally opened my mouth to ask, "OK, you've made your. Even if they admit to feeling it to themselves they won’t explore it or share it with others. Part of my growing process was learning to accept that I am capable of, not just in theory, but in actuality of the most horrific things that any human that has ever lived has done. I am also capable of the good. Every bit of it from child cannibalism to saving the whales is part of being human. I am human.My wife works. One morning this last week as I was driving her to work I saw an old couple sitting on their porch the next block over. All I could think and feel was I HATE YOU! I didn’t know those people. I had never seen them before that moment, but I hated them with every fiber of my being because they were old and I’m not going to be. If I could have killed them and gotten away with it I would have. Instead, I finished taking my wife to work and thought about how much I hated them.Then I thought about how much I dislike people in their twenties. All the years that most of them have.
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